Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. --Mark Twain

Procrastination is one of the delights of life.  How I savor these last few days before taxes are due.  Such a rush!  Some people ski, or jump out of airplanes, or surf; I get all that fun and more by waiting until the last minute.  Plus, no special clothes are required.

Favorite activity while procastinating? Either daydreaming or listening to "Daydream Nation". If I'm feeling particularly driven, I may do both simultaneously, not to brag.

The Internet--not a private club it turns out.

I was against Prop. 8 in California, no secret. I fruitlessly did battle on the internet against it. Just found this write-up of my performance. Amazing.

“Frankly, that’s a trait that MANY lesbians share – a visceral need to challenge authority. One of the main reasons you and I rub Quimby and lorian and (especially) djinn wrong is that we speak with an authoritative voice. They associate that with oppression and pain, so they lash out at it without stopping to read carefully what we are saying. It’s a little worse, actually, for you, since, ironically, they can see me as a “nice guy” who just doesn’t get it fully – but they feel betrayed by you (another woman). ”

When I faced (keyboarded?) my accusers, this followed.

Hmmm – I think some of this conversation used to be whispered – did the whispers become public when you switched over to the new format Alison?

Snicker.

found here

A humerous interlude

Something Great About Winter!

Ice sculptures!






I am just sorry that they melt....

To see more ice sculptures just click!

Just In Case You Thought You'd Seen Everything....

Take a look at this "organic armour". Paul Hersey crafts these pieces from rubber and adorns them with glass baubles and metallic finishes. He makes a variety of pieces to order and designs custom items as well. So if you have been looking for "fantasy" or medieval breastplates, bras, bracelets, crowns or similar items for yourself, your partner or your dog(!), you have found the right place.

This pooch sure is a head-turner in this regalia!

Mmmmmm, Crispy Kale!

I have tried cooking kale a few times, and it always came out too bitter. Nevertheless, I resolved to try it one more time making sure not to overcook it. When I looked online for cooking tips, I stumbled upon a recipe that was intriguing: roast kale chips!

Basically after washing, drying and removing the stems all the way up the leaves of a bunch of kale, and tearing the leaves into potato chip size sections, drizzle with about a tablespoon of vegetable oil (I used canola) and distribute the oil gently (with your finger tips) and evenly over the surfaces of all the leaves. Then sprinkle with a little salt and your choice of herbs or similar flavorings (like garlic powder or cayenne pepper).

Place the coated leaves on a roasting pan or cookie sheet, and roast them in an oven preheated to 330 degrees. The recipe I read here suggested 350, and others went as high as 375, but a commenter warned how suddenly they can all scorch and recommended a slightly cooler oven which I tried and was very happy with. Since our oven is a convection model, the "chips" were done in about seven or eight minutes. How long it takes depends on your oven, so watch the kale closely. When it is done, the kale is crispy and very brittle----but it kind of melts in your mouth. Truly a revelation. You definitely don't eat these with a fork!

Check the provided link so you can read other cook's experiences, and modify the recipe to your own liking. Enjoy!

Make Your Own Play Dough For Holiday Fun!

Trying to think of ways to enjoy spending time with family this Thanksgiving? Why not give a game like Pictionary or charades a twist by sculpting with play-dough instead of merely drawing or pantomiming? You could just buy the commercial stuff, but really, homemade dough can be much better, not to mention cheaper. It's so economical you can afford to make really large batches which are a lot more fun .

It feels really great to play with when it is fresh and slightly warm still. I remember a time many years ago when we invited a couple over and played with my freshly made dough. They were, on the face of it, a surprising looking couple. He was really quite handsome and of moderate build; she was rather plain, and remarkably heavy. (Usually it seems like there is a rough parity of attractiveness in couples unless the man is old and rich.)

Anyway, as soon as her husband started handling the quadruple batch of fresh, warm dough, his chin dropped and he unselfconsciously marveled in a rapturously exultant tone, "Its so soft.......and there's so much of it!"

My husband and I distinctly remember avoiding making eye contact with one another because we knew that we would just crack up if we did. (But hey, isn't it fantastic that he really loved her just the way she was?)

Here's the recipe:

Materials

* 1 cup water
* 1 tablespoon vegetable oil
* 1/2 cup salt
* 1 tablespoon cream of tartar
* Food coloring (about a 1/2 tsp to 1 tsp depending on desired intensity)
* Saucepan
* 1 cup flour

Directions

1. Combine water, oil, salt, cream of tartar, and food coloring in a saucepan and heat until warm.
2. Remove from heat and add flour.
3. Stir, then knead until smooth.(Don't use a whisk except maybe at the very beginning of stirring.) The cream of tartar makes this dough last 6 months or longer, so resist the temptation to omit this ingredient if you don't have it on hand.( If it does not thicken promptly and form a ball, you may need to heat it a little more over low heat, stirring constantly.)
4. Store this dough in an airtight container or a Ziploc freezer bag.


Be very careful not too add to much oil, or the dough will be sticky! And remember, it makes a great Secret Santa surprise or stocking stuffer for almost all ages!

Don't Get Me This For Christmas

This is for people who want to run outside, but are frustrated that their treadmills are indoors and stationary! Hmmmmm, how could a person manage to run outside?

Ta-dah!



I could be wrong, but it seems like the whole thing is filmed on a piece of road that is running very slightly downhill. Can you imagine the embarrassment of being stranded halfway through the workout, unable to muster the force necessary to get this heavy machine back up the hill?

In one important respect though, the actual product performs better than in the advertisement------the runner would not be subjected to the incredibly insipid music. (Have they done studies? Does this kind of upbeat music really make people want to buy crud? The answer must be yes; after all, they use it in virtually all infomercials.

I Don't Think I'll Ever Practice This....

But he sure is good at it!

When You're Bored In Your Cubicle......

I came across this at The Daily Dish.

Such control!
This reminds me a little bit of what I did to enjoy swing music when recovering from an ankle injury. Except he's much better at it....

I'm glad to see that he posted this on u-tube rather than subjecting people on elevators and public transportation to his antics.

I'll Have the Crabhat With a Side of Sauciness

When I first saw the crabhat, I thought it was utterly ridiculous-----though part of me wanted one. After all, it is a hat!

But then after seeing this over-the-top, shark-jumping extravaganza of photo-shoot mania, I decided the crabhat was really a rather conservative, restrained statement of style and mood. "Come too close, and I just might pinch you!" it whispers alluringly.



This look, on the other hand boldly proclaims, "I am an idiot, and if you touch me, I'll slap you and get paint all over you! And yes, those are open toe boots! Whoops, I forgot my knickers!" For a better look at her.....ahem...... paint, just left click on the image.)

(Lower image from French Vogue.)

Nailed. And ready for Prime Time..

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Nailed 'Em - Mormon Church Trespassing
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor U.S. Speedskating

My dear friend Troy made his prime time debut as the cute missionary on the couch. Watch, laugh, mock.

Vintage Treasure

My mom has always said that I am super lucky-----and I'm happiest when I believe her. Here is the latest piece of evidence that she is on to something: a lucky find. At a local vintage shop, I found this terrific lariat necklace, probably from the twenties. It is quite long and in good repair.

Damage to the old pocketbook? $6.00 !!!!!! (Don't confuse my exclamation marks with factorials, all you math enthusiasts.) I've been happy about this goofy find for days. It's silly, but why not be happy?

What a Costume!

(Left click on pics for greater clarity.)


Last year when we were visiting Antwerp, I really liked the sculpture depicting the "ongoing" work of finishing the Cathedral there. When the church was originally built (starting in the late 1400's), they ran out of funds, and one tower remains incomplete. In the 1800's, a sculptor fashioned these figures which stand alongside the church, continuing to "work" on what is now considered a permanently unfinished building.

When I first saw them, it was too late and dark to take pictures, but since it was not far from our hotel, I decided to double back the next morning, and take advantage of better lighting. When I arrived, I saw that a street performer was puttering about amongst the figures, putting on the finishing touches of a costume to make him blend in .

In vain, I struggled to get shots that did not include him. I felt too shy to ask him to get out of the way for a few moments, but now what I like best about these pictures is the fact that he was getting ready. You can also see the mirror (top pic) that he used to apply his make-up, and of course, his tip-jar.


All he needs now are his gloves.

My Favorite Deli

I just saw a poll being taken at the Huffington Post about the best delis in New York City, and was pleased to see Russ and Daughters near the top. ( #2 )

Russ and Daughters is an old fashioned (in a good way!) deli on the lower east side that specializes in smoked fish, pickled herring, lox, caviar and other delicacies.

We chanced upon it many years back. It was crowded with customers (a good sign), and everyone listened carefully as they called out which number was "next". While we were waiting for our pastrami lox-----beautiful salmon coated with crushed peppercorns------we saw an angry looking woman thrust a large tin of caviar onto the counter and demand a refund.

Naturally, they asked what the problem had been, and she declared, "It does not say anywhere on the package, 'refrigerate after opening', and my husband left it out. This was expensive, and the container should have included that information."

The clerk looked at her in disbelief and responded, "We cannot give a refund for that. The caviar was good, and you left it out, so that's your fault."

She reminded him that she thought the packaging was inadequate without the appropriate warning about refrigeration. The exchanges went back and forth a few rounds and when finally all the customers in the store were rolling their eyes and shaking their heads, the clerk said, "The can does not have to say that. Caviar is fish. Any idiot knows that you have to refrigerate fish!"

"But we're not talking about 'any idiot'! We're talking about my husband!"

There was a lengthy pause. "Number 87!"

"But I'm not finished!"

"Yes ma'am, you are!.....Next!!"

Customers surged between her and the counter, and she backed up, mouth gaping and gasping like a sturgeon out of water. The whole store erupted in laughter when the door finally closed behind her.

We've been back whenever we get the chance. If you ever want to check them out, be advised, they are closed every Saturday (naturally).

Where Have You Heard This Before?

Check out Carl Stalling's performance of Raymond Scott's 'Powerhouse'. Do you remember where you have heard this? There are at least couple of times it's been used in popular culture. I'll post the answers later. No cheating!



But meanwhile, the menacing energy of Edgar Ordonez's version of the Beatles tune "A Hard Day's Night" kind of reminds me of 'Powerhouse'. (Sorry, there is no visual component. The melody from the Beatles starts around t=24, so patience!) He concludes his arrangement with a boogie-woogie feel take, t=2:20. It's a bit much, but it is fun and different.

Green Pumps!

They even go well with my green purse.



Too bad they're just earrings.....

A Couple Halloween Costume Do's and Don'ts

I thought of some things I forgot to mention last year.


Be inventive! (Like this kid's Mom was.) Sushi costume with wasabi and ginger headband!!!! Brilliant....

Reconsider if your costume just simply makes you look horrible. I was astonished once to see a (single!) friend show up at a party wearing what looked like a tarp with some leaves and twigs glued to it. She said she was a pile of raked leaves. When we introduced her to someone hot, I suspect she wished she could be siphoned up by one of those giant leaf collection trucks. Awkward...

If you are making a costume for a child, make sure it is something that almost everyone recognizes so they don't have to explain it to everyone.

Again, if you are making something for a child, and if there is a head portion of the costume, try and make it detachable especially if they are going to wear it to a party, or to school.


When I was five, my mom made me a costume that broke both those two rules. I was a 'Nauga'! A Nauga was the fictitious creature from which Naugahyde brand vinyl was taken--------according to their ad campaign. Nobody knew what a Nauga was back then either, and it was hard for a five year old to explain.

The worst thing was I wore it to kindergarten.


In addition to the fact that there was no way to take off the 'head', she had not made an actual opening for the mouth. She simply appliqued that toothy grimace in felt right onto the face. When it was time for lunch and the Halloween party, I discovered that I could not eat with my costume on! Being very motivated by the treats, I discovered that if I withdrew one arm from its sleeve inside my costume, and brought my hand up to an eye-hole, I could slip jelly beans and the like through the small opening and eat them that way.
Another problem was that I needed help to take it off to go to the bathroom....

Which reminds me, if your young child insists on being a mummy, make sure they go to the bathroom before you wrap them up!


And ladies, remember, it's Halloween, not slutfest! If you want to wear one of these tacky outfits, just keep it in your bedroom and role-play to your heart's content.





If you do buy one anyway, be careful about what is included------in the Warrior Princess one, the shoes are the best part, and yet are not part of the get-up. And the sex kitten costume does not include that bod.

Think You've Seen Everything?

I posted this just because it is such a peculiar oddity. Who would have thought that people would spend time doing this? I suppose if you wanted to listen to tango music while unicycling that could be fun, but pretending that their routine is some sort of tango is preposterous. Although the guy struts out boldly with a proper tango attitude, that's the closest thing to footwork in the entire thing. And because they are on wheels, they lose all snap in their motions. What is tango without footwork and snap? It's whatever that ill-conceived performance above was.

Don't get me wrong, I think that they are both very good at unicycling. But there is clearly a reason why this has not caught on as a spectator event. Unicyling may be fun and challenging, but it is unsatisfying to watch.

Not Men In Bear Costumes After All

A commenter suspected that the picture for the following post had men in bear costumes. I wasn't so sure.

I guess this clinches it. They are real.