RIP Lux Interior

I somehow missed the late, great Lux Interior's death, 62 wonderful years, back in February. I saw the Cramps about 5 years ago here in Portland at this beautiful old venue, "The Crystal Ballroom." It was just after I got divorced, and my ex--who left me, hadn't yet figured out that the parting wasn't mutual--had just called me to tell me that he had met someone he liked oh-so-much better than me; (my current love tells me he was similarly clueless when ending his first relationship, so please understand ... but yet, I was, well, heartbroken doesn't begin to cover it.) I left work wearing my oh-so-business suit without changing into appropriate Portland attire; three bands were on prior to the Cramps; two or three times (it seemed like many more) random people came up to me and said "are you OK?" Everyone at the venue was much younger than me, to grant the concerned some courtesy, and not wearing suits; but, needless to say, it didn't improve my mood. Did I mention that someone yelled at me, as I walked to the venue "CHEER UP?"

The Cramps came on. Lux, twelve years older than me, rocked the leopard spandex; Poison Ivy, the guitarist, equally perfect. Did I mention that they were a couple for 35 years? Rumor has it that he picked her up hitchhiking, and the rest was history.

Everything I like in music: funny, rather louder than required, Psycho-rockabilly punk, literate; and, of course, stilettos!!!!

Thank you Lux; my best thoughts, such as they are, P. Ivy.

Love, djinn

Charo says "Happy Valentines," sorta

Love (fringe, bongos, more fringe, and a few extra bongos) will keep us together.



Now you know the secret. Pu-pu-di-do.

A happy post; it could happen.

As I have mentioned George and I (in a totally boneheaded move, considering my physical condition, but I SIMPLY COULD NOT BE TALKED OUT OF IT) went to Seattle to see Lucy, our bipedal ancestor. Marvelous.

The other awesome thing we did was go to the Seattle Art Museum. Due to my annoyingly delicate condition, it required staying another night. the Art Museum itself was rather sadly and disturbingly predictable -- there is a canon. They had one of each. A Rothko, a Warhol, a Cornell, (oddly 2-d) etc. But, but, but.... besides the Bierstadt I believe I've already mentioned, and adore, there, right across the street, visible from all windows facing, uh east? is some 24 hour porn palace that had advertized in that unmistakable pink porn font "BIG BUTT SHOW." Best part of the museum. Well, it tied with the pottery and the Bierstadt. You have to understand, the juxtaposition between the marquee and the over-botoxed over-dressed, seriously anorexic, under-uh, fashion-charming clientele was, let us just say, a delight.

So, what's spinnin' with Djinn?

As you may remember, I've been suffering from some strange, undiagnosed dizziness, nauseous, vertiginous, exhausting disorder that a veritable raft of supposed medical personnel have been unable to sort out. I've been to one GP (numerous times, wonderful), two ENT's (take your pick, either ear nose throat DR's, or for extra spelling points otolaryngyologists (or something, too lazy for spell-check, besides I blame all those wanker 18th British Oxford-educated gentry totally obsessed with Greek, so we don't have an actual English word--misspell ho!))

Anyway, they both sucked. One diagnosed me with BPPV (Benign Paroxymal Positional Vertigo), let's call him Physician not so bad and the other (Let's call her Physician You Totally Suck) diagnosed me with nothing, after running a gazillion tests that made me sick as a very sick dog--never quite understood this metaphor.

After weeks of begging, crying, harassing phone calls, ineffective voodoo doll treatment and general hysteria, Physician You Totally Suck transferred my records to a Neurophysicisian of her choice. She worse than totally sucked and decided that I had silent migraines. I have not had a migraine constantly since Nov. 2007. Really. However, I listened (what was I thinking?) I tried her anti-migraine medicine for three weeks, (in spite of my rather horrific history using such substances) but as can be expected, such meds just kept making me sick so I threw it, and her credibility away.

Now, if you haven't been following this story from the beginning, I've been constantly dizzy (constant as in all the time) since a serious attack of vertigo in Nov. 2007. Yet, I kept on dragging myself to work every day, working hard enough to actually make a small bonus. But, every day was horrific. Dragging myself out of bed, walking (by closing my eyes and feeling my way down the hall) to my office, leaving once a day for a bathroom break (same procedure) Why? Fluorescent lights make me very ill, etc. Sometimes, I couldn't work for one or two days at a time. I'd spend them in bed. So happy. Then back to work furiously to make up for the lost time.

You have to understand, I had no diagnosis. I couldn't quit work, or go on disability, because.... uh, the medical establishment said there was nothing wrong with me in spite of my obvious agony. Fun times.

I received, in late November, my yearly approval rating. It was both horrible and strangely good. My main boss said that objectively I had performed superbly (which they found deeply confusing and didn’t seem to give much credit to), but in every subjective measurement I sucked. Of course. I was too sick to go to the bathroom, let alone spell. In their defense, I’ve now read some of the work I did when extremely sick, and it does not shine with the light of stellar intelligence. However, under all the grammatical and spelling errors, the logic is correct, hence, the success. I understand their confusion. They have been nothing but decent since my diagnosis.

Anyway, my most dear and sweet boyfriend, and Fiancee, George, discovered that the leading specialist on inner-ear disorders lived in Portland. Dr. Epley. Why didn't anyone of all the specialists I talked to even bother mentioning him? A question for someone much more intelligent than myself.

I immediately called the Epley clinic up, was quizzed for 20 minutes by a nurse of his, and was given an appointment for Dec. 11, 2008. The last day I was able to drag myself to work was Dec. 3. Miracles of Miracles, he gave me a diagnosis on Dec. 11th, and I was able to get disability. What happened? I fell down a flight of stairs Dec. 2004, and gave myself an inner-ear concussion and bppv (benign positional paroxymal vertigo—don’t ask, except to notice that the word “benign” could not be more incorrect.) Even though head trauma is a leading cause of vertigo, did any other physician ask me about same? That would be no. What?

By the time I quit work, all I could do is sleep, lay quietly in bed, and fail to keep down liquids. A couple more weeks, and I would have been in the hospital for dehydration.

Unfortunately during my appointment, sweet, sweet brilliant Dr. Epley took my nausea meds away and for some reason, did not give me a replacement.

My next appointment is Dec. 22. I am so excited!!!! However, an ice storm swoops in Dec. 22, closing the entire city, including my Dr's office. I cry. They fit me in Jan. 15th. I deal, lying in bed mostly.

Jan. 15th comes around, I show up at his office and am sent away as being too sick. !!! What!!!!!????? I told him and his nurse that I was ready for whatever they wanted to do, but I must have been that lovely shade of Wayne's world "I'm goona hurl!" green. I blame popular culture for not getting my treatment. However, I am given nausea meds. Yeah!

On the 23rd of Jan, 2009, finally, things started happening. It was like astronaut training, they stuck me in this special chair to treat my BPPV. They swung me to the right, to the left, upside down several times, put some shaky device on my ear; quite a thrill. This fixed my left ear. I'm now scheduled for Feb. 16th to treat the right ear for inner-ear concussion. My Otolith organ (it tells my body my orientation in space) is inflamed and giving random, yet always incorrect info to my head about my balance. The body sees (we are such odd spindly organisms) not falling over as perhaps the most important function it can perform. As my ears have failed me, my eyes have taken over.

What does this mean? Well, my cerebrum, usually used for functions such as speaking, thinking, short-term memory, and figuring out patent applications, is spending all of its cycles keeping me upright. Fun. Or just lying down, I get disoriented lying in bed—I fall behind my eyes even though I can feel my body on the bed. Can’t convince the head that I am safe and sound.

This wouldn’t be so bad, but the vertiginous effects are always accompanied by panic attacks. My heart goes pound pound pound; my head goes eek! My fight or flight response goes into red alert (I’ve been trying to talk it into orange, so much my style, but no such luck.)

On the 16th of February, some magic substance is to be titrated into my right inner ear. If it works, dizzy (actual) no more though I claim metaphorical dizziness as my right.

Love, Djinn

Pattern matching, less useful than you'd think

I've been suffering from Vertigo. When dizzy (which is pretty much most of the time) I feel dizzy, but no less intelligent than normal. This, however, is an illusion. When my ear/eyes/brain malfunctions, all the normal balance functions taken care of by the hindbrain move right up to the cerebrum, displacing things like, uh, speaking, rationality, etc. Disturbing, esp., as I can't feel it. I never feel dumber, just more miserable.

I just read an interesting article(please read) describing how people who feel less in control of their lives find more spurious patterns than those with more control. Looking at my own pattern, I feel free to suppose that those with less brainpower find more nonexistent patterns than the smarter among us. Yes, I think we're hardwired to find patterns, even when none exist. It is actual difficult work for us to determine which patterns are real and which are figments of our inborn overactive imaginations.

Why, you say? Uh, well, one totally non-scientific data anecdote. I've noticed that when I feel especially vertiginous, I assume the actions of my beloved fiancee (take a bow, Geebee), my family, and assorted souls with walk-on parts, have rather more significance (mostly negative) than warranted. That is, I see nonexistent patterns in their behavior. More specifically, I am much more difficult, more touchy, seeing slights where none were intended. Matching nonexistent patterns willy-nilly, and, as it seems to me, oh-so-cleverly. When my vertigo clears, the patterns, the significance, the pattern disappears. The actions are just people doing stuff. No global significance attached. That is all.

Is Djinn Spiralling Out Of Control In Her Obsession With Palin?

No!

A good number of those palicentric posts were submitted by Kerfuffler, a new-to-the-blogosphere friend of Djinn's from way back. I, Kerfuffler, do hereby apologize for the obsessive (incessant?) posting on this most painful of topics, but I really needed to practice from one day to the next posting things just to get a hang of linking, embedding, and what not.( And Palin kept supplying so much material!) You see, I am my family's resident techno-phobe. Until quite recently, merely sending an e-mail was a source of jaw-clenching tension for me. So, yay me!

I have posted other items as well. (Fruitfly foolishness, Western Spaghetti, inflatable street art, those evolving-painting videos and a bunch of other stuff.) I started on Sept. 30th. I guess Djinn and I have similar styles and interests, so many of you did not notice. I did not mean to be an impostor! In any event, I'm pleased to make your virtual acquaintance.

By the way, the image above is a FANTASTIC OPTICAL ILLUSION, but to get the full effect, you need to enlarge the image, and I might add, the bigger, the better! (Just hit Ctrl+ a few times and let the dizzying swirling begin.) Djinn, I know you like optical illusions, but you just might want to avoid this one!

In other news....

The S&P 500 has the same value it did 10 years ago, Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae are about to fail and take the US economy with them, but it's a beautiful day here in Portland, rilly old Velvet Underground is on the turntable, George is watering the flowers (kisses), I haven't been fired from my job for spinning during work hours, Snapdragon (who lives with her father, to my eternal despair) is flying in tomorrow, and we're about to take off to see a locally produced documentary about Noise. Uh, music, that's atonal, y'know, and, most importantly, I'm Not. Dead. Yet.

I'm getting in a car to go somewhere other than work, if only a few miles--vertigo inducing. I hope that the pounding on the screen at least rhymes with the pounding in my head; my own private music show.

Still spinning--but dealing, I remain

Djinn

Musical accompaniment--Foxy Lady, as interpreted by the Kronos Quartet.



Bonus stunning Kronos Quartet-Sigur Ros piece, because I care.

Spinning Djinn, or an update on my health.

I'm still dizzy. Ditzy, too, but that's for a different post. The weekend before last I drove (or rather, was driven (thank you, George)) out to my company's retreat about an hour away in the Columbia gorge. There was, of course, a traffic accident somewheres along the way -- hour delay. I was late, walked into a room full of people being lectured about something or other having to do with dividing us all up into four separate communications styles. The room was big, with a high ceiling. I put my head in my hands for about 30 minutes, and then bolted. Now many people at my firm either think I'm asocial/nuts or are in on the secret that I've got something wrong with me. Not with me, so much; rather with my equilibrium. I was devastated. For one reason, I saw this as a dry run for my upcoming trip to Utah to my very good friend Jen's wedding. Not looking good.

I came back home to Portland, tried once again to get that referral from my ENT to a Neurologist--hasn't happened yet, and called my regular Dr. once again. My dizziness has been going from bad to worse and back to bad again in the course of a day, as I explained to him. In response, he took me off the alprazolam I've been on for going on 7 months and put me on another K--uh--lam, which, he explained, had a longer dwell time in my system. Picking up the new drug at the pharmacy (they said 20 min. wait, took an hour--We can't believe we're this busy!--I blame the 4th of July weekend) I again read the really scary list of side effects of my meds, the main one being addiction. So... I thought, and thought, took one of the new meds and promptly got sick. Perhaps the reason for the swings during the day was the medication itself--i'd been on it long enought now to be addicted. I spent the July fourth weekend detoxing. Yes, dear reader, I stopped my meds cold. Wikipedia says symptoms may include anxiety, dizziness (wha?), appetite loss (huzzah!), insomnia, hallucinations--i'm bored--you get the idea, wasn't a pleasant time. Now, at the other end, I'm still dizzy (does it sound cooler if I say I have vertigo instead?), but without the dramatic ups and downs. I'm no sicker now than before. Improvement? Perhaps.

I can get through a work day sitting quietly in my dark lair of an office. Having to venture out into the flourescent-lit hallways does me in--I come home too sick to do anything but type in the occasional blog post. This may be why there are so many of them. Upside, no cooking, cleaning, weeding... (I did pull a few weeds this weekend before George caught me and reminded me how sick it made me, but still, yay me!)

So, no trip for Utah; thus, no wedding for me. Too sick. So sorry Jen, plus, just darn darn darn darn.

Human perception

An interesting illusion

From the link, above.

Here is a novel illusion that is as striking as it is simple. The two images of the Leaning Tower of Pisa are
identical, yet one has the impression that the tower on the right leans more, as if photographed from a
different angle. The reason for this is because the visual system treats the two images as if part of a single
scene. Normally, if two adjacent towers rise at the same angle, their image outlines converge as they recede
from view due to perspective, and this is taken into account by the visual system. So when confronted with
two towers whose corresponding outlines are parallel, the visual system assumes they must be diverging as
they rise from view, and this is what we see. The illusion is not restricted to towers photographed from
below, but works well with other scenes, such as railway tracks receding into the distance. What this illusion
reveals is less to do with perspective, but how the visual system tends to treat two side-by-side images as if
part of the same scene. However hard we try to think of the two photographs of the Leaning Tower as
separate, albeit identical images of the same object, our visual system regards them as the ‘Twin Towers of
Pisa’, whose perspective can only be interpreted in terms of one tower leaning more than the other.

Long hallways, large buildings, the max tracks, certain aisles at the supermarket, seemingly any long, unbroken parallel lines give me serious balance problems. This may be a hint as to why.

Many more fun illusions here.

Dr. Chill vs. Dr. Unreachable, or an episode in the dizziness chronicles.

I've been dizzy for almost 6 months now. It's gotten so bad that seeing a car chase or an innocent picture of water on TV sends me over the edge. So....I actually made a medical appointment. About 5 weeks ago. I have since, been MRI'd, spun about, tipped, had water of various temperatures poured into my ears, electroded and beeped various times, and so on and so forth. Diagnosis? HuH? I can't even reach my (Specialist, ENT) doctor.

Example, I recently started having Panic attacks associated with my vertigo attacks. Due to the magic that is wikipedia I discover that my symptoms match an unpronounceable disease called "Labyrinthitis", which can be treated with antivirals or antibiotics, none of which I've been given. After several attempts to call the good Dr. U, I'm given her assistant; I explain my case; she totally blows me off and recommends I talk to my primary care physician. I actually talked to him, explained the situation (been sick for almost six months, etc.) and he said he'd give Dr. Unreachable a call. So, just maybe, something may happen. I'll keep you informed, dear reader.

yrs,

only slightly dizzy

Djinn

Getting Started

Dizziness, the story of my life.

The world whirling by a bit too swirly for comfort; more beautiful for the swirls.

A story.

I came from a very large family. As the eldest of 7, though, I had privileges; which I exploited to the fullest. For example, I got carsick. So did my brother Jon, 18 months younger than I. But, on road trips, I sat in the front. Mom sat in the back with Sick Jon, Jeff, and as the years went on, James, Michael, Rick, and Lisa. Better view from the front. Also closer to the air conditioner. But, I really did get sick.

Sweet sweet creatures my sibs are, they've forgiven me, or maybe forgotten. Tee hee. Or maybe get even by talking about me behind my back. Hope so; gossip on guys.

But, anyway, the carsickness has now (at 49) progressed to the point that I get sick to my stomache when walking around a corner, when exposed to flourescent lights, when bending down to pet Harold the cat. This has been somewhat disruptive of my life, but has given me time to finally create the 37 Millionth personal blog (number accurate to 0 decimal places.)